


[One shot] Lucky

by jjangah (msbutterfingers)



Category: EXO (Band), K-pop
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Fluff, M/M, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-11
Updated: 2016-03-11
Packaged: 2018-05-26 03:45:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,405
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6222370
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/msbutterfingers/pseuds/jjangah
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Luhan and his cat have the same introverted, petulant personalities, a fascinating pair of pet and owner twins; Minseok is a new and unexpected stranger that tries to get inside their shells.</p>
            </blockquote>





	[One shot] Lucky

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on my kpop livejournal and the lj community Sonyeoncheonji two years ago. Enjoy :)

_Is the falling sunlight only shining on me? Can I be this happy?_

 

 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
The night I saved Lucky was the night my entire universe shifted.  
  
It wasn’t a particularly pleasant night.  
  
It was mid-October. It was rainy, cold and windy and after a long day at my job at XOXO Cafe with rude as hell customers and a pain in the ass manager, the chain on my bike broke, forcing me to walk two miles home in the storm. And on top of that, I only had the thin material of the hoodie I was wearing between me and the rain, and I was almost certain to get a cold later. It was as if life had decided to take a giant shit on me on that given day.  
  
Not a pleasant night at all. But looking back, maybe, in a way, it was a form of karma━maybe fate had handed me all of the crap to balance out the wonderful miracle I was about to receive.  
  
I still remember everything so clearly; the bite of the wind against the exposed skin of my face, the water sloshing up onto my jeans and into my shoes, the noise of early evening Seoul traffic and the shouts of those on the crowded sidewalks pounding on my eardrums.  
  
Trudging through the storm, I shoved my hands deeper into the soaked material of my pockets, trying to find heat there but finding none. I blinked and more freezing water dripped onto my eyelashes, blurring my vision slightly. As I ducked away from yet another couple sharing an umbrella rushing past and nearly plowing into me, something across the street caught my attention.  
  
A slightly tall, lanky person━a man or a woman? I was too far away to tell━wearing a soaked hoodie much like mine, had something large balled up underneath their sweatshirt, and they looked like they were struggling with it. It was━ _it was moving by itself_. What the hell was that? I stopped walking and squinted in their direction, passers-by bumping into my shoulders and jostling me slightly.  
  
They were definitely a man, I decided, looking at their broad shoulders. However, I was getting increasingly concerned at the moving lump underneath his shirt, and the way he was frantically wrapping his arms around it to keep it still and...talking to it? I glanced around me. Surely someone else was seeing this lunatic talk to the weird moving lump in his arms. But no one else saw, being in too much of a rush to get out of the rain.  
  
Oddly, I was compelled to keep watching this strange man, but sense and the pools of water in my shoes told me that getting home was more important at the moment. So I turned, and I was about to walk away and never turn back━when it happened.  
  
I heard a shout━it came from the man━and turned back to look, and the lump had emerged from his sweatshirt. A cat! A large, fluffy white cat had jumped from his sweatshirt, out of his arms, snarling and tearing away from the man and into the street.  
  
Maybe it was the cold numbing my brain and making me a little insane, or instinct, or something, but before I could think it through and realize what I was doing, I ran. I ran into the street, into oncoming traffic, to save that stupid cat.  
  
All I heard was screeching tires and blaring horns and my heart pounding in my ears and the glare of headlights was blinding, and for a split millisecond I was positive I was going to die.  
  
Not stopping for a second, I saw a ball of wet fluff running low to the ground, and I snatched it up into my arms. Impossibly, amazingly, I sprinted the rest of the way across the street and made it safely onto the other side. At least, not without two or three more drivers honking and screaming obscenities at me out of their windows. Didn’t blame them, really. I was fucking crazy.  
  
At first I just stood there on the sidewalk, trembling and looking back numbly at the flood of traffic I somehow managed to cross without getting mangled beyond recognition, and then I turned around to see the man right in front of me.  
  
He was tall all right, taller than me by at least a head, with broad shoulders but lithe limbs. He had the hood of his blue hoodie up, but his bleached hair was wet and sticking to his face, which was angular and soft at the same time. Underneath wet hair were brown doe eyes, currently glaring wildly at me.  
  
“Are you insane?!” He said to me, well actually, shouted. “Why did you do that? What the hell is wrong with you?”  
  
I was just standing there dumbly, mouth agape, and I quickly closed it and decided to say something. “Um, hi.” I waved feebly, then pointed down at the poor wet animal I held, who had its claws latched through my sweatshirt, the t-shirt underneath, and into my skin. “You dropped your cat.”  
  
As if mentioning it reminded him, he quickly grabbed the animal from my grasp, its claws dragging painfully across my skin and leaving long, thin rips in my hoodie. Awesome. “Yes, I’m aware. And I was handling it just fine without your interference, thanks.” He spoke with the same sharp tone, although now instead of glaring at me he was looking down anxiously at the trembling animal in his arms.  
  
“Um.” I folded my arms, the adrenaline starting to wear off and the cold settling back into my bones. “I don’t know if you noticed, but he was in the middle of the street. He could’ve been hit.”  
  
“ _She_ ,” he corrected me first, looking affronted. “And I realize that, but I could have gotten her myself. You could have gotten killed and I don’t even know you. Do you know how big of a burden that would’ve been?”  
  
I threw my hands up. Great, I pissed him off. This was what I got for trying to do a good deed. “I was just trying to help, all right?”  
  
“I don’t need your help!” He shot back. He was glaring at me again, but this time there was something else there. Fear.  
  
I stared at him for a moment. “Okay,” I said after some silence. “You’re right, it was stupid. I’m sorry.”  
  
We stared at each other for a few more tense moments, and then in a few blinks, his face had softened, and he looked away from me and down at his cat. Unzipping his hoodie, he pulled one side of his sweatshirt over her and brought her closer to his body, and she snuggled into him, putting her head under his chin. The gesture was...really cute. It occurred to me suddenly that I had no clue how old he was, and even though his height towered over mine, in this moment he looked like a teenager.  
  
“Sorry,” he said. It sounded sad. At first I thought he was talking to the cat, but then he looked up at me. “I’m grateful you did that. Lucky means a lot to me,” he paused, then added, “that’s her name.”  
  
Nodding by way of accepting his apology, I asked, “What’s your name?”  
  
He took another tentative pause. “Luhan.”  
  
So he was foreign. I tried not to let the surprise show on my face. I’d have had no clue if I hadn’t heard his name, his Korean was perfect. I offered a smile, and my hand to shake, which currently had no feeling in it. “Hi, Luhan. I’m Minseok.”  
  
Slowly, and with a noticeable carefulness, he took my hand and shook it. Despite not frowning at me anymore, he had a pensive look on his face. And in fact, if I didn’t know any better, he still looked a little afraid. Maybe he was.  
  
He let go of my hand abruptly. “I have to go now. It was nice meeting you, Minseok.” He turned and began briskly walking away.  
  
“Wait!” I called, taking some steps after him. He stopped, looking warily over his shoulder at me. I was cold, I was insane, I was unsure...and completely fascinated. And I couldn't have stopped the next question from leaving my mouth even if I’d wanted to. “Can I call you?”  
  
He just looked blankly at me for a few seconds, probably the longest seconds of my entire life━and then slowly, a small, timid smile.  
  
I barely slept at all that night, staring at his number in my phone. And early the next morning, I got the wickedest cold in existence.  
  
  


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
A week later, I saw Luhan and Lucky for the second time.  
  
The worst of my cold had passed, and I decided I had stopped looking like death enough to ask him if we could meet. We’d only texted back and forth a few times over the week, and it was the exact type of vague small talk one would have with a stranger. It turned out that he was from Beijing, was 23, same age as me, and he had been studying here in Seoul for the past couple of years.  
  
He had seemed a bit hesitant about meeting up with me, especially after my not so good first impression, but in the end he agreed to meet me at a small park a few blocks from my work.  
  
As soon as I arrived, I spotted him sitting under a tree with a pet carrier next to him, and holding a gigantic ball of white fluff in his arms. I hadn’t asked him to bring Lucky, but it was just as well I guess. I approached the tree, and when I was a few feet away, he finally looked up at me.  
  
“Minseok,” Luhan said in his same formal tone. “Hello.”  
  
I smiled down at him and sat on the dead grass and leaves in front of him. “Hello.” There was a long pause, Luhan looking at me expectantly, and then I added, “Hello, Lucky.”  
  
He nodded in approval, looking satisfied, and then asked, “How’s your cold?”  
  
Another smile crept on my face. I’d only mentioned that I’d had a cold once, it was nice that he’d remembered. “Better. Still a little sick, but I’ll be fine.” I sniffed and looked at the cat in his arms, who was staring at me with reproach. Poor thing would probably always associate me with squealing tires and rain now. “How’s Lucky doing?” I asked.  
  
“She’s okay,” he replied, lifting a hand to scratch behind her ears. She responded with a purr. “The vet said that I should take her outside for a good amount of time everyday so she won’t associate the outdoors with being afraid anymore. But no injuries or anything, which was good.”  
  
I nodded. “That is good,” I agreed. Something had occurred to me, and I just had to ask. “What was she doing outside that night, anyway?”  
  
Luhan sighed heavily, in an annoyed manner, and suddenly I felt sorry I asked. “That morning, she had escaped from my apartment building while I was gone. I’d spent the whole day looking for her, and when I’d found her in an alley, it was already raining. She was soaking wet and shivering.”  
  
“That’s why you had her underneath your shirt,” I thought aloud.  
  
“Yes,” he said. “And I _know_ it was a mistake to let her escape in the first place, but she only escaped because she was trying to follow me. She gets scared being by herself, so except for school, she usually goes with me everywhere.” He stopped suddenly, closing his mouth with chagrin like maybe he thought he’d said too much.  
  
“It’s okay,” I said. “It’s cute. She really loves you.”  
  
Luhan looked up at me slowly, brown eyes scrutinizing, as if he was wondering if I really meant that or not. “I adopted her,” he said. “The shelter said she was abused. That’s why she’s afraid of strangers. I’m the only one she trusts.”  
  
“How long have you had her?” I leaned forward, resting my chin in my hands.  
  
“Four years now.”  
  
Looking at them now, dry and in the daylight, they looked...similar, in a way. Luhan’s bleached hair and fair skin looked like Lucky’s fluffy white fur, and both had small, upturned noses and dark eyes that were expressive and mysterious at the same time. It was like one of those pet-owner look alike pictorials that you see in magazines, except I didn’t think there were people actually like that. Apparently, Luhan was one of those people.  
  
I glanced down at Lucky again, and she hissed at me. “She doesn’t seem to like me very much,” I observed.  
  
Luhan raised his eyebrows unsympathetically and shrugged. “You’re a stranger,” he said. He cocked his head. “You’re a stranger to me, too.”  
  
“Does that mean you don’t like me, either?”  
  
His gaze remained even. “Maybe.”  
  
Sighing, I nodded slowly, taking the blow. Understandable, I guess. But he sure was blunt in how he said things. “All right, good to know.” I stood then, brushing off the back of my jeans. “Anyway, Luhan, I just wanted to see how you and Lucky were doing.”  
  
He’d gone back to focusing all of his attention to Lucky, barely even acknowledging me. “We’re fine.”  
  
I sighed again. Well, this had been a lost cause. At least I’d tried. “Good. Well, thanks for meeting me.” I turned to leave. “See you around, maybe.”  
  
“Wait!”  
  
Now this made me pause. That was probably the most emotion I’d heard from him since that night, when he’d screamed at me. I turned back around slowly, and Luhan was standing up, with Lucky still in his arms, an embarrassed expression on his flushed face. As soon as my eyes met his, his gaze locked onto the ground.  
  
“Sorry. Um,” he started again, much quieter this time, and he seemed a little flustered. “Do you...do you want to meet again? Next week?” His voice was shaky, and he still wasn’t looking at me. “I mean...only if you’re free. Actually, no, we don’t even have to, forget I asked. Sorry.”  
  
I held my hands up to stop him, smiling and trying not to laugh. There he was being unexpectedly cute again. “No, that sounds great. Same time, same place, a week from now?”  
  
Luhan swallowed hard. “Yeah, okay. Sure. Um.” He did a little awkward wave with one of his hands. “See you.”  
  
On the bike ride home, I wished the entire time that I’d taken a cab instead, because when your head’s in the clouds and your legs feel like jelly, it’s really hard to pedal.  
  
  
  
  


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  
  
  
  
  
  
For the next two months, I met Lucky and Luhan at the park. At first it was once a week, then it turned to sometimes twice a week, then three times, and then we were meeting every other day.  
  
My growing fascination with Luhan was a strange thing.  
  
Sometimes it felt masochistic, because there were days that I could swear up and down that the boy flat out hated me. He’d be peevish, avoid my gaze, barely say a word and act like he didn’t even want me there, and when I’d start to leave, he’d apologize and ask me to stay just a little bit longer.  
  
Then there were other times. Other times that he would look directly at me with those dark eyes and he would smile the shyest, most genuine smile I’d ever seen, and his face looked so sweet and impossibly kind. And whenever I would see it━which was rare, admittedly━I knew that was the true him, the true Luhan without all of his defense mechanisms and fear. Those times were when I felt something inside of me, something moving and changing and making me sure that I would not be able to quit Luhan anytime soon, possibly ever.  
  
But maybe it was a bit more than just fascination at this point, and that was not something I was willing to confront just yet.  
  
And then there was Lucky, who had not warmed up to me at all. If there was anything to be sure of, it was that Lucky definitely hated me. At least she was consistent, though. Couldn’t exactly say the same for her owner.  
  
“So, I brought two blueberry and two chocolate chip.” One day after those two months had passed, I’d decided to surprise Luhan at our park with some muffins from work, since he had said that he loved them once. “Any more and my manager would have my head.”  
  
I set the muffins on the ground in front of Luhan, and Lucky hissed and pounced on one of the blueberry ones, biting and clawing at the plastic wrapping on the outside.  
  
“I’ll take a chocolate chip one. I love chocolate,” Luhan said, grabbing the muffin he wanted and then pointed at Lucky. “I guess she wants that one.”  
  
I began to reach for the other blueberry one, but Lucky hissed again and moved to guard it from my reach. “Okay, okay.” I said, sighing and reaching dejectedly for the other chocolate chip one.  
  
After eating our muffins and chatting about my day at work after he’d asked about it, we swung on the swings. Luhan watched me from his swing in quiet amusement━petting the top of Lucky’s head, who was stretched leisurely in his lap━as I swung as high as I could. When I tried to jump off while the swing was at its highest, he let out a laugh when I landed flat on my ass.  
  
“That was dumb,” he pointed out.  
  
I groaned when I stood, the backs of my thighs and my lower back screaming at me. “I know.”  
  
“You seem to do a lot of dumb things,” he said, then quickly added, “No offense.”  
  
Wandering back over to my swing to sit down on it again, I shrugged. “Yeah, I do.” I grimaced at him. “I’m impulsive, that’s why. I do impulsive, stupid things and then after I do them I wonder what could have possibly possessed me to do it.” Pushing off the ground, I started swinging again, slowly this time. “Of course, not all of my impulsions are bad. That’s how I met you, after all.”  
  
“I could never be impulsive,” Luhan quipped, either choosing to ignore my last comment or not being affected by it in the slightest. “I’ve never done an impulsive thing in my life. I always make very careful decisions.”  
  
“I figured you were that kind of guy.” This comment earned me a glare, though I didn’t exactly know why.  
  
“What’s so wrong about that?” He asked, sounding stung.  
  
I shook my head. “I mean, it’s not a bad thing, really. I wish I was more careful, sometimes.” I considered my next words very carefully, looking at him sideways. “I just think that...sometimes it’s worth it to take chances. Sometimes life rewards you for it.”  
  
Luhan had been swinging slowly, rocking the swing back and forth with the toes and heels of his sneakers, but he’d completely stopped now. “But how do you know? How do you know which chances are worth it?” He was looking at me hard, his eyes imploring me to answer. “How do you know that it won’t get thrown back in your face?”  
  
I stopped now too, dragging my feet in the dirt and sending a cloud of dust into the air. I looked at him evenly, meeting his anxious gaze. “You don’t. No one ever knows.” I leaned my cheek on one of my swing’s chains. “That’s life, Luhan.”  
  
He stared at me. “That’s terrifying.”  
  
“It is,” I said. “But that’s what makes it an adventure.”  
  
Luhan continued looking at me with the same serious, worried expression, that same mysterious question in his eyes, the question I didn’t know how to answer.  
  
  


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
After that one day, I didn’t hear from Luhan for about three weeks. I texted him, called and left messages, even tried waiting at the park multiple times at our usual time to see if he’d show up, but he didn’t. A lonely Christmas and New Year’s passed. The days without him blended together into a monotonous grey.  
  
  
  


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
After those three weeks, deciding that maybe it was time to give up, that it was time to quit Luhan because he wanted me to, one evening after a busy day of work, he called.  
  
I answered on the second ring.  
  
“I’m sick,” he said as soon as I answered. His voice was quiet and weak. “Can you come see me?”  
  
After I wrote down his address and then put it into my phone for directions, I rushed over to his apartment so quickly that before I knew it, I was there at his door and I scarcely remembered how I got there, except that I ran the entire way.  
  
I knocked desperately and when Luhan answered the door, in a fluffy light blue robe and dinosaur claw slippers, he looked bewildered. And a little red nosed.  
  
“Why are you looking at me like that?” He asked, and his nose was very stuffy. “And why are you breathing so hard? Did you run here?”  
  
“...You’re okay?”  
  
He gave me a tired, irritated look. “No, I told you. I’m sick.”  
  
“I thought…oh, God.” I was trembling. “I thought something was really wrong. All you said on the phone was that you were sick, I thought...I thought you were terminally ill or something, I don’t know! Jesus Christ, I almost had a heart attack.”  
  
Now he was looking at me like I was crazy. “Don’t be absurd, what’s wrong with you? It’s just the flu.” He opened his front door wider. “Now would you like to come in, or are you too disappointed that I’m not dying?”  
  
I stared at him for a few more seconds, huffing, and then stormed into his apartment, grumbling under my breath. “Next time you call me and ask to come over, could I get some more details beforehand, please?”  
  
Lucky, who had been standing on guard near the front door, skittered out of the room as soon as she saw me. I paused, looking around at the living room area. It was neat and clean, exactly as I had pictured the place where Luhan might live. A white couch, a modest sized TV sitting next to an organized DVD and Blu-Ray rack, a clean litter box and scratching post in the corner.  
  
Luhan shut the front door and locked it. “Sorry for not realizing that saying ‘I’m sick’ would give you a full blown conniption,” he snapped. In the same breath, he coughed hard a few times, and then his face softened as he called out, “Lucky! Where’d you go? Come here, sunshine. _Baobei_.”  
  
I folded my arms, recognizing the Chinese word he’d said and blushing a little despite knowing it wasn’t directed at me. Was I honestly getting jealous of a cat? God help me. “It was a stressful day at work,” I muttered lamely.  
  
Ignoring me, Luhan walked past me into the living room and turned a corner, and when I trailed behind I saw that he’d gone into the small, but clean, kitchen area. “There you are, silly.” Luhan said, coughing once again and then bending over and then rising back up with a frazzled Lucky in his arms. After a few moments of stroking her back, he finally looked up at me. “Stressful, huh?”  
  
I sighed, cutting to the chase. “Why did you invite me over here?”  
  
His hand slowed, and he looked at me blankly. “Well,” he paused, looking down at the floor. His voice got quieter as he said, “I guess I just wanted some company.”  
  
I frowned. “You’ve never invited me over before this.”  
  
He shrugged. “I know.” Even quieter this time.  
  
My patience was waning, and it was waning fast. A combination of the intense worry I felt on the way over here, with the anxiousness and the sadness and the anger I felt during the whole time he didn’t contact me all swirled together in my gut. I drew in a long breath through my teeth, dragging my fingers through my hair.  
  
It stayed silent after that for a few seconds until Luhan tentatively asked, “Is something wrong?”  
  
“ _Yes_ , Luhan. Something is wrong.” I said impatiently, tugging on my hair and staring up at the ceiling. It was taking everything in me not to shout.  
  
Another pause. “...If you didn’t want to see me, you shouldn’t have come.” The words were steely, but his voice was shaking.  
  
Blood drained from my face, and it felt as if my stomach had dropped down to my feet. “You…” I was staring at him now, and trembling. “You...you think that I didn’t want to see you? Are you out of your _mind_?”  
  
He stared back at me now. “I━”  
  
“I cannot _believe_ that you would think I wouldn’t want to see you, Luhan. Especially since _you_ were the one that decided to disappear off the face of the Earth for three weeks.”  
  
“I didn’t━”  
  
“I called. I left messages. I texted you. I went to our park and waited for you for _hours_. And you think that I _didn’t want to see you_? After all this time?” I was shouting now but my emotion was building and exploding and I couldn’t control myself. “After seeing you every week and talking to you every day? Even though some days you act like you don’t even want to be near me, and snip at me, and treat me like I’m below you and yet I somehow still want to see you afterwards? You thought I didn’t want to see you?”  
  
Luhan’s eyes were wide, staring at me in shocked silence. His face, from his ears all the way down to his collarbones, was flushed.  
  
“Do you know how worried sick I was? I thought something had happened to you. Do you have any idea how much I━” I got a hold of myself, dragging my hands down my face and taking a deep breath. I couldn’t say it. _Do you have any idea how much I think about you?_ As much as I wanted to say it, I knew I never could. Asking that, with the way I’d exploded just now, would chase him away for good. If I hadn’t already.  
  
He was just staring at me, completely stunned and shaking and maybe a little scared, like I’d come charging at his protective fortress with a sledgehammer.  
  
It had only been quiet for a few seconds but with my heart slamming in my chest and that look on Luhan’s face, it’d felt like years.  
  
Just as I prepared to ask him if he had anything to say, his expression faded━his eyes unfocused, his face went slack and before I could even yell he collapsed onto the hard linoleum floor in a heap.  
  
Lucky had let out a yelping meow as they fell and she’d jumped out of his arms, and I’d already sprinted into the kitchen and thrown myself onto the floor where he lay, unconscious.  
  
“Luhan! _Luhan!_ ” I shook his shoulders and his head lolled to one side, and I let go of his shoulders and grabbed his face between both hands. His skin was scorching, and it occurred to me suddenly that I’d forgotten that he had the flu. Letting that thought process for a moment and guilt replacing all of the frustration I’d felt earlier, I let out a miserable sigh. “Dammit,” I whispered.  
  
Gathering all the strength I could muster, I gathered Luhan in my arms and lifted him up, biting my lip hard and trying my best not to pull something. I was fortunate that he was as spindly as he was, and that I worked out.  
  
I walked further into his apartment to where I thought his room might be, my knees buckling from his deadweight. Finding that his bedroom door was already open, I carried him inside and placed him on his bed gently, laying his head down on the pillows and arranging him in a position that I thought might be comfortable. I carefully took his dinosaur slippers off of his feet, setting them side by side on the carpet by his bed.  
  
For a few minutes I stood there and watched him, anxious. Why wasn’t he waking up? I tried to remember what people were supposed to do for people that had high fevers and remembered the wet towel thing, and so I ventured off to find some towels, so I could tend to him and feel less like the useless asshole that made him faint.  
  
\--  
  
When Luhan woke, it was after a whole hour of me sitting by his bedside, listening to his breathing, and thinking in circles over what I’d said to him. As soon as he stirred, opening his eyes and squinting around the room as if trying to remember how he’d gotten there, I sat up straight and clasped my hands together.  
  
“Good morning,” I said jokingly, at least I tried to make it sound that way. I tried smiling too, but I could feel the worry freezing up the muscles in my face.  
  
He jerked, looking over at me with surprise, like he’d forgotten I was there. “Did you put me in here?” He tried sitting up.  
  
“Yeah, I did. Hey, no, no━lie down, lie down.” I stopped him with a hand and gently pushed his shoulder back onto the bed, and he flopped back down. “How’s the towel, is it still cool? Should I change it?”  
  
He brought a hand up to touch it. “Oh...no. It feels nice.” He paused to cough, covering his mouth. “Um...thank you.”  
  
Scooting to the very edge of the chair I sat on, I nodded, and then took a huge breath into my lungs. “Luhan, I’m sorry.”  
  
“No━”  
  
“No, listen. I don’t know why I yelled at you like that. I feel like such an ass. For God’s sake, I made you faint.”  
  
“Stop.” He put his nearest hand lightly over my clasped hands, and I stopped immediately like my voice had physically caught in my throat. “You were right. I haven’t treated you the best, and I know that. I’m sorry.” His eyes, usually dark and guarded, looked at me with sadness. “And I shouldn’t have ignored you for so long. I don’t know why I did. I saw all of your messages, listened to all of your voicemails. Some days I even walked all the way to our park, only to turn right back around and leave when I saw you waiting. I don’t know why I did that. Maybe…” He trailed off, retracting his hand.  
  
I scooted closer, even though I was practically leaning over him now. “Go ahead.”  
  
Luhan swallowed hard. Whatever he was about to say, it seemed to take a lot of effort. “You need to know that this is very...difficult for me. It’s scary. Maybe I...maybe I was trying to...push you away. Because I do that with people. I...push them away.” He looked away from me and down to his hands, which were clenching together and unclenching and fidgeting. “I don’t know if you noticed, but...I don’t have friends. I don’t talk to anybody. My family lives in China, and I only talk to them on the phone, and over Skype. Lucky is all I have.”  
  
“Don’t say that,” I whispered.  
  
“It’s true. I’ve always had trouble keeping friends and...relating to people. And I don’t know what I’m doing with my life. I’ve been studying here for years, but I don’t know what I’ll do after I’m done. All I have is this apartment, and schoolwork, and Lucky. And that’s it.”  
  
“You have me,” I said, without any hesitation whatsoever.  
  
“Do I?” He stared at me now, his voice straining. “I think that’s why I wanted to push you away. Because they all leave, you know. One way or another. Some take longer than others, but they all do. Eventually I learned to leave them first. So I wouldn’t get hurt.”  
  
“Luhan, stop it, _stop_.” I grabbed his hands with mine. I swallowed hard, the back of my throat starting to sting. “The last thing I want is for you to be afraid, because there’s a whole world of other things to be afraid of more than people. People can be really awful sometimes, and they can be cruel and ignorant and uncaring. But there are good people, too. You just have to seek them out. Keeping the entire world out will do nothing.” I squeezed his hands. “And I’ve got news for you. You can’t push me away. I’m not going anywhere, no matter how hard you push. So don’t try anymore. Okay?”  
  
Dark, glassy eyes locked with mine; terrified and almost tortured, in a way. The eyes of a lonely, broken soul. He asked me a question similar to that night in the park. “How do I know that’s true? How do I know that you won’t leave?”  
  
“Because I said so, dummy.” I forced a smile, because I had to smile. I had to smile to keep from crying. “That’s how.”  
  
\--  
  
My heart ached.  
  
I’d told Luhan to go to back to sleep, that he needed more of it to make this fever go away. I left him in his bedroom and went to sit in the quiet living room, where I had the TV on mute to distract me from the things that I was feeling. It wasn’t working. My thoughts were screaming and everything in me ached.  
  
I was tired. What time was it? I glanced around the room and found a digital clock on the Blu-Ray player. _12:39 AM_.  
  
Well, shit. I hadn’t been keeping track of the time at all. I should have been home, getting ready for bed. I had the early shift tomorrow.  
  
Even thinking all of this, I didn’t budge from the couch. Just stared at the TV, at some infomercial for a hair product that was supposed to make your hair healthier, or longer, or something. I sighed heavily. _I should leave soon_ , I thought. But I still didn’t budge.  
  
While thinking for the thousandth time about what Luhan had told me, I heard a small sound. Soft, but easily recognizable━a little mewl. I looked up and saw Lucky standing on the other side of the couch, staring intensely at me.  
  
I stared back for a few moments, waiting to be hissed at and pounced on. She’d never acknowledged me this long before, and right now I actually thought that she might attack me. Why not? Luhan wasn’t around. No witnesses. She was probably planning out how she’d scratch my eyes out in that little cat brain of hers.  
  
Just as I considered making a run for Luhan’s bedroom again, she cautiously began padding toward me. She didn’t seem aggressive, just...curious, maybe. I froze in place, not wanting to make any sudden movements to set her off somehow.  
  
And then...the unthinkable.  
  
She rubbed her head against my shoulder, tentatively at first, and then full on nuzzled her whole face against my sleeve, a long purr leaving her.  
  
I was in such disbelief that I didn’t do anything at first, just watched her with my jaw dropped. Then, chuckling, I slowly moved a hand to her fluffy head, scratching behind her ears the way I’d seen Luhan do a million times. She purred again, laid down and stretched across my lap leisurely. A grin spread across my face.  
  
The ice queen had finally melted.  
  
I didn’t know what had finally done it, but maybe Lucky had trust issues just like Luhan’s. Maybe she just had to see for herself, really know for sure, that she wouldn’t be betrayed or hurt. Maybe she just had to see her beloved Luhan being taken care of before she knew that she could trust me.  
  
I’d never thought in a million years that this cat would warm up to me, but here we were, cuddling on the couch. Maybe these things just took time, like the way Luhan had opened his fortress gates a little bit to me tonight. Maybe with time, I would earn his trust.  
  
I would wait forever if I needed to.  
  
  
  
  


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  
  
  
  
  
  
The next few days were arduous and busy, and there was barely enough time to blink, but every night I talked to Luhan━still sick in bed━on the phone, and it made everything easy again.  
  
And one night, after hanging up the phone, I sat up wide awake in bed. I stared at the clock on the wall, each _tick tock_ becoming louder and louder. The entire room felt electrified, and goosebumps were raised on my skin.  
  
I wondered how it could be possible to feel so sure about something. And with this assurance, everything was different. It was as if the entire world had tipped over on its axis and everything around me had changed in an instant.  
  
All the times before, when I’d thought I’d been sure, felt like nothing compared to this. I couldn’t have been sure then. It never felt like this.  
  
All the other people I thought I’d loved, I thought it was in the stuff we had in common, or in how attracted I was to them, or something else like that. But it didn’t feel anything like this. It didn’t feel like my very soul had woken up after years, decades, centuries of sleep. Like the moment I’d seen him, I’d known it in the back of my mind already, as if it were absolute, universal fact.  
  
Grass was green, ice cream was cold, rainbows came after a rainstorm, and I was in love with Luhan.  
  
Dark, questioning eyes that were gentle and pretty and full of scars and loneliness. Long eyelashes. White bleached hair that probably cost a fortune to keep looking decent, and that curled and puffed up when it was humid or after it’d gotten wet. Small upturned nose, cute round chin. Soft pink lips, with a white scar just under his bottom lip. Lanky limbs and a careful, mousey disposition and stance. Quiet, melodic voice━but when he laughed, really laughed, it was the polar opposite: loud and shouting and knee slapping. Best friends with a cat. Shattered and weary of the world, but the most beautiful soul I’d ever encountered.  
  
Luhan. Luhan. Luhan.  
  
That night, I didn’t sleep at all━just sat there and let these feelings terrify me and listened to the sound of my heart.  
  
  
  
  
  
  


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  
  
  
  
Weeks passed, Luhan got over his flu, and things went on with us as they had before.  
  
Every other day or so, we’d meet at our park, and in between, we’d text and talk on the phone. Ever since the heartfelt conversation that we’d had when he was sick, neither of us had brought it up again.  
  
On my part, it wasn’t necessarily because I was uncomfortable with bringing it up━it was just because I got the impression that Luhan would rather choke on his own hand than ever talk about it again. Every time I’d tried, in fact, he got this intensely uncomfortable look on his face and changed the subject. So I decided to drop it until he brought it up himself. Which was never, basically.  
  
On the other hand, something had definitely changed from the times we had hung out before. All the moments where I suspected that he actually hated me: gone. Disappeared, completely.  
  
In fact, everytime we met, he had seemed...lighter. Like a weight had been lifted from his shoulders. The usual anxiety on his face was replaced with calm. And now that she liked me, Lucky spent half the time in my lap as she did in his, which Luhan would sometimes look on at with complete fascination.  
  
“What did you do?” He’d ask almost every time, stupefied. “She never does this. She’s never warmed up to anyone.” And I’d just shrug, smiling.  
  
And so we’d talk about things, and have picnics and play games on our phones and play with Lucky. This was all I needed, this routine at our park. Even if deep down, I wanted much more than this, I would have never asked that of him. Having him in my life, like this, was more than enough for me. I would not scare him away again.  
  
So it might’ve continued on that way for months, or forever, if it weren’t for one afternoon.  
  
  
  
  
  


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  
  
  
  
  
It was a Friday afternoon in late February. It was unseasonably sunny, and after a weary, dark winter, the air itself felt like it had become lighter.  
  
Me and Luhan had no plans for that day, and I was working an afternoon shift and checking my phone obsessively. He hadn’t been responding to my texts all day, and I was starting to worry a little.  
  
The cafe was next to empty, except for two older ladies sitting together at a table under the front window, sipping their tea and gossiping. It was one of those pointless shifts where it felt like I shouldn’t have even been there, like I could have been out doing something more important than standing there watching dust particles float in the patch of sunlight coming through the windows. Like seeing Luhan.  
  
My boss had even given up drilling me with demands for the day it seemed; he was in the back watching something on his tablet. Which gave me plenty of extra time to obsessively check my phone.  
  
I had just checked my inbox for the thousandth time, looking down at my phone’s screen, when the bell above the door jingled, indicating someone walking through. Internally sighing, I locked my front screen as I began to look up.  
  
“Welcome to XOXO Cafe, can I get━” I paused mid-greeting-sentence as soon as I saw who I was greeting. I dropped my phone to the countertop. “Luhan?”  
  
There he was, standing by the door and looking across the cafe at me meekly, with his arms dangling awkwardly at his sides. “Hi,” he said. He was dressed like he’d come straight from class, and Lucky was nowhere to be seen.  
  
“What are you doing here?” It took until then to realize that a huge grin was spread on my face. “You’ve never come to my work before.”  
  
Luhan shrugged. “I decided to,” he said, walking toward the counter and giving the middle-aged women sitting together a small smile and a little wave, because they were staring at him like they thought he was cute. Didn’t blame them, really. He was cute as hell.  
  
“Well, I’m happy you decided to.” I gestured to our menu. “Since you’re here, do you want anything?”  
  
He shook his head. “I don’t have money with me.”  
  
I scoffed. “Why would I charge you? Just choose something, it’s on me.” I quirked an eyebrow. “And then we can sit together and talk, maybe. Things are slow right now, anyway.”  
  
After he agreed, I made him an iced coffee, grabbed him a chocolate chip muffin and made a coffee for myself, and we sat down across from each other at a booth.  
  
“So,” I said after a few minutes of sipping my drink and watching him devour his muffin and avoid eye contact of any kind with me. “Why are you really here? There must be reason, since you’re acting so weird.”  
  
He finished chewing before he answered. “No reasons in particular,” he muttered to the table top.  
  
“Luhan.”  
  
Finally letting a grin appear on his face and giving in, he sighed. “I just…” he took a sip of his coffee. “I just missed you, okay?”  
  
My eyebrows rose. “Really?” The smile on my face grew even bigger. “That’s all? You just wanted to see me?”  
  
His entire face was glowing red. “Well, that and...and I wanted to tell you something.”  
  
“And that would be?”  
  
“Something important.”  
  
My leering expression faded, and I sat up in my seat. “How important is it?” I frowned a little. “Is something wrong?”  
  
There was a last small chunk of muffin left, and Luhan was busily grinding it between his fingers and turning it into mush. “No, nothing’s wrong,” he stammered, and he dropped the mushed up muffin onto the plastic wrapping it had come in. His gaze locked directly onto it. “It’s just that...it couldn’t wait until the next time I saw you. Because…” he took a deep breath and it sounded like a gasp. His next words came out in a rush. “Because when you realize that you have strong feelings for someone, you want them to know right away.”  
  
It felt as if my brain had grinded to a complete stop. I felt the silence, pushing in on me on all sides and saw the way Luhan’s hands shook against the surface of the table. I could scarcely even remember to breathe.  
  
“For how long?” was the first sentence I managed to breathe out, although considering I could even find the words to say was a feat and I deserved a freaking medal for it.  
  
“Um,” Luhan was shaking so badly, and he looked terrified. “I think...for a while.”  
  
I couldn’t even fathom how difficult this must have been for him; all the sleepless nights he spent thinking about it, let alone doing it at this very second. Somewhere in my mind was something screaming at me to wrap my arms around him and kiss his forehead and whisper that it was okay, that he didn’t have to be scared, but I couldn’t move. “So you...you…”  
  
“Yes.”  
  
“You like me?”  
  
“Possibly more than that.”  
  
“Oh my God.”  
  
“Yeah, I know.” A beat passed. “You don’t have to say anything, if you want. I know you don’t feel the same way. We can just pretend this never happened.” His face was turned away now, and I couldn’t help but think he was trying to keep himself from crying. “I just...had to tell you. I felt like I was going to die if I didn’t tell you soon.”  
  
My heart felt like it was going to drop out of my chest and crash through the floor. “Luhan.”  
  
“I didn’t tell you for a while because I knew that it would be stupid to tell you, and that you’re my only friend and doing this would ruin everything. But...I just...I don’t know. God, I’m so stupid.”  
  
“Luhan, shut up. I love you.”  
  
Shocked, he looked directly at me for the first time during the entire conversation. His eyes were big and vulnerable and glassy. “What?”  
  
Carefully, gently, I brushed his hair away from his eyes. “I’m in love with you, Luhan.” I’d said it. After all this time, I’d finally said it, and the entire solar system was lifted from my shoulders. The relief was so immense that I couldn’t help but smile. “Damn. You don’t know how long I’ve wanted to say that.”  
  
The way he was looking at me, it was like he thought I was about to disappear into mist. “Is that really how you feel about me?” He was breathing shallowly, and tears had begun to well in his eyes. “This whole time, that’s how you felt?”  
  
Using the hand that brushed his hair back, I wiped the tears that escaped his eyes with my thumb. “Yes.”  
  
“Why?”  
  
“Because you’re you. And you’re wonderful.”  
  
He was downright flustered now, blinking furiously. “I don’t even know what to say.”  
  
Smiling, then biting my lip, I stroked the side of his soft face with my thumb, the exact way that I’d dreamt about doing for months. “How about saying that you love me, too?”  
  
“Minseok,” Luhan was looking across the room. “Those women are staring at us.”  
  
“What?” I glanced over to where they sat, and they were indeed shamelessly staring, open mouthed, pointing and everything. Leaning over the table, my eyes locked on them with a smirk on my face, I whispered in Luhan’s ear. “They look scandalized. Imagine how they’d react if I kissed you.”  
  
He gasped and jerked away from me, swatting my shoulder with his hand. “Stop it. You’re at work, they could tell your boss, you know.” I didn’t think he could get any more red in the face, but he had somehow. “Do you want to get fired for slacking off during your shift?”  
  
I sighed and sat back in my seat, taking my hands back as well. “You’re right, you’re right.” I took a sip of my coffee and watched him over the rim of my mug.  
  
Luhan had calmed down a bit, and the flush in his face had faded to a light pink. “So, what now?”  
  
I set my mug down. “So, we’re in love. And I’m your boyfriend, maybe. If you want me to be.”  
  
He still looked a little embarrassed, but he smiled at me, resting his chin in his hand. “Of course I want you to be. You’re the only person I want to be with. You’re my Minseok.” Saying this seemed to fluster him again and he looked down at the remains of his smushed muffin. “I’ve just...never had a boyfriend before. I don’t know how this works.”  
  
“I haven’t had one either,” I said. I reached across the table and took his free hand, lacing our fingers together. “We’ll figure it out together.”  
  
He smiled at me, a full one, teeth and all. “Okay. I trust you.”  
  
Hearing those words from him immediately made my heart ache, in the best and worst way. Overwhelmed with bliss, my mind went to the moment I’d first met him: wet, angry, and completely unexpectedly on one of the worst nights of my life. The last night that I’d ever expected the perfect miracle to find me and change my universe.  
  
Before I could stop it, the sentence left my mouth. “I’m so glad I almost killed myself saving your cat.”  
  
And that made Luhan burst into laughter: loud, shouting, knee slapping laughter.  
  
  


 

  
  
  
  
  
  
_end_


End file.
